- Category: Paul Rodenburg
- Published on Friday, 31 May 2013 06:21
- Written by Paul Rodenburg
- Hits: 3106
Recently Joshua, a 7 year old Maryland boy, was suspended from school for two days for eating a pastry (a Danish) until it vaguely resembled a gun, and then making a noise as though he was shooting his Danish at someone. I know what you're thinking. "This is ridiculous! How could this happen!" And I agree.
THE FACE OF TERROR!!!
Why won't someone finally put a stop to this madness? Thank God for a teacher that knew to put a stop to this dangerous pastry! Thank God she saved the other children from the terror of a pastry! Think of what horrors would have happened had that teacher not saved the day. Unfortunately this is a symptom of a growing problem.
What will be next? Pretzels as toy guns? IED's, Improvised Eclair Devices? RPG-B's, Rocket Propelled Granola Bars? Cluster bombs made of cake? A low yield nuclear device made of tofu? The possibilities are terrifying! If this isn't stopped now, when will it stop?!?!?
If anything, this brave teacher who stopped the dangerous child with a pastry, and the principal that suspended the child should be applauded. They courageously risked taking a dangerous delicious imaginary pastry bullet to save countless children in that class room.
Sadly this is just another horrific example of our nation's epidemic of "Kids with things that resemble guns and want to have fun." And where was our illustrious President during all of this? The silence from the White House is deafening. Sure, the President has had time to try and propose gun control legislation, YET he is silent on this epidemic of children with toys or food that might resemble guns. If another child brings a gun like food to school, the President should be held personally responsible for being asleep at the switch. This is a time bomb made of jello just waiting to go off.
Recently in Suffolk, Va., two second graders were suspended after pointing pencils at one another and making “gun noises.” This is horrific! These terrorist kids are everywhere! Who will stop these children who are hell bent on having things that might resemble guns and having fun?!?!? They are a threat to our way of life. Why has our President not yet declared a war on Kids with things that resemble guns?!?!? He needs to appoint a Czar to that position while there's still time!
Lives are at stake! Mr. President, why haven't you declared 7 year old Joshua an enemy combatant, and taken him away to Gitmo? Mr. President, why hasn't this child been water boarded yet, so that we can find out who he reports to? Who else is in this network of "Kids with things that resemble guns and want to have fun"? We must fight these kid food terrorists to protect our way of life.
Don't these children food jihadists know our national anthem? That we are "The land of the SAFE, and the home of the Brave." These children would have you believe in lies, lies like "Freedom." Freedom is dangerous, that's why the Government has wisely decided to declare war on it.
Asleep at the switch.
The Patriot act is there to prevent you from dangerous freedoms. Like reading books that are bad for you, without the Government knowing. During the Bush administration, the phone companies wisely tapped American phone lines to prevent you from the dangerous freedom of talking to others unmonitored.
The IRS has divinely protected America from the freedom of choice in democracy by singling out conservative political groups and greatly obstructing their ability to become non-profits organizations. The T.S.A. has justly protected us from the freedom of unmolested travel, by making sure we are searched and treated like prisoners at airports. And the Justice Department has bravely saved us from that most dangerous of freedoms, freedom of the press, by seizing phone records of reporters trying to report the truth.
And yet, when it comes to protecting us from "Kids with things that resemble guns and want to have fun" the schools are alone on the front lines. While Washington turns its back on them. We must stop this, NOW! We can't let one more day go by in which a child might make a gun noise while holding a french fry (a.k.a. freedom fry, notice that dangerous freedom word again.) as a gun, or pretending that his peas are a cluster bomb.
Mr. President, I implore you. Install food detectors at the door way of every school. Give the school's more money for police men to roam the halls to protect us from these child food terrorists. Transfer some T.S.A. agents to these schools so that they can perform random daily body cavity checks. I guarantee that at this moment, there are thousands of dangerous children in schools across America who have their rectums filled with former food stuffs that at one time could have been eaten into a gun shape. The horror! This is a national tragedy that we must bring an end to. The world is looking to you, Mr. President.